2day I printed out the old taskinator from productivemuslim.com I aim to start using it 2moro, insya-Allah...
*sighs* wateva i felt like saying, i juz dun feel like saying it anymore.
Wassalam..
15 Safar 1432 Hijrah
Assalamualaikum warahmatullah!
Hmm...daripada tadi lah saya nak blog sebenarnye...dan keinginan nak blog ni pun ade tujuannye tau! Actually...i'm so used to wasting my time...so, now dat I'm slowly trying to change my habits...2 b honest, I feel a lil lost in direction...k, example...de reason y i want to blog is to stop myself from clicking on the link to facebook games....seriously, u may say, alah..skali-skala, ok la kan...untuk rez de mind...problem is...dah a few times da masuk game tu...so, sesungguhnya, tak patut betul ku masuk main game tu untuk brape kali lagi! jadi, drpd main game, blogging lagi bagus kan? pasal dapat bermuhasabah? betul tak? i mean lebih baik drpd waste time buat sumting yg tak perlu...increase time lagha je...kate nak decrease...so, trying lah ni...relli tau...i relli wana change for de better...
cume, skarang ni, since i dun slp after subuh, my day has bcum officially longer..to a certain xtent...n im not too sure how to fill up my time without doing lagha...
well, i knw i can fill it up wif ibadah...but i oso dun want myself to do something inconsistently...takut buat banyak2 nanti, lame2 rase beban pulak...den stop terus..=/ haix...tak tahulah...but anw, hmm..muslimah nga 'cuti' ni...jadi, so far, banyakkan zikir je lah...rase rindu nak solat...dah lame tak rase camni..rindunye menghadap allah...jiwaku rase terpanggil...cam tak sabar pulak nak habis 'cuti'..=) biarlah dpt ngaji, solat...hmm...smoga aku diberi peluang untuk menikmati ibadah pada hari esok2...
anw, d other day, it juz sort of came to me..i started 2 doa...smoga aku mati dalam iman...
memikirkan masa depan yang tak tentu...takut rasenye...lagi2 laz wk ( i tink) ade bace pasal mereka yang alim, tapi towards d end of their lives, dey changed n mati dlm kekufuran...ya allah...matikanlah aku dalam iman ya allah...
anw, on a sidenote, i tink it's gd dat i dun uar-uarkan my blog to ppl...if not, i feel like wat i blog, may not b very sincere as dere will b times wen i tink abt hw ppl will perceive me wen dey rd a certain sumting etc..
oh ya! dat reminds me! d subject of strangers...people who r strange...unique...hehe..
smlm bace kat youthmuslims.blogspot.com, kalau tak salah ah..n oso pernah disentuh time qiyam at masjid hasanah..ghuraba'-strangers..
Muslims are strangers...esp in dis society where a lot of things dat we probably do r perceived as out of de norm in de community...well, i know laz time, wen i was younger, i was relli very comfortable wif my 'uniqueness'..without even knowing dis concept..mayb bcoz wen i was younger, i was more innocent? mayb bcoz wen i was younger, my intentions were sincerely for Allah? i dont knw...all i knw is dat, i was happy being myself...being a Muslim...
but along the way, sumting happened. i lost confidence. my self-esteem dropped. i still had a bit of i dun care wat ppl think, but i definitely cared..a lot more than i used to...in 1 n half years, my life started to change...
it was horrible..relli...n i tink my lack of self-esteem had a lot to do wif my own actions..i bcame 'like everyone else' n i started berating myself for dat...n i started to feel like i cudnt face Allah..
subsequent years, i bcame worse...everytime i wanna improve, i fall back, n it was juz so difficult. I guess it relli did take a lot of willpower...n sincerity. taubat nasuha. n wif dat, Allah helped me...
sumhw, 2010 has taught me a lot...relli a lot...but den, i also realised dat, if i had never walked dis path, i may oso not b de person whom i am now...wat's past was painful, shameful but at least i've learnt a lot. i juz hope i can b consistently good from now on..good in islamic terms. means dekatkan diri dengan ape yang disukai Allah dan menjauhi ape yang dilaranginya..=)
insya-Allah, Allah will help me...
I juz wanna thank Him again, n again...for always being there for me...even when i erred..thank u for giving me de knowledge through all de perantaraan, de frenz u've given me to create d islamic environment, everything ya allah...
I love you...
Building up my self-esteem..
14 Safar 1432 Hijrah
Salam to all! =)
Alhamdulillah, i'm in a good condition..life's not dat bz yet...or mayb datz juz bcoz im not making myself bz enuf..=/ not sure if datz gd or bad...gargh..
anw, i'm trying to piece back my self-esteem...i believe my outlook of myself used to be much better than now definitely..sumhow, along the way, i kinda fell...n realised dere wasn't many ppl 2 help me up...n i guess, i juz kept stumbling n falling...n after awhile, mayb i din try hard enough to get up...n mayb i 4got i had Allah to turn to...*sighs*
well, no matter wat now, i promise myself dat i will try my bez 2 stay positive from now on. confidence n self-esteem does make a lot of difference in a person. i have always known dat...but wen i fell, i guess my knowledge wasnt enough to overcome my lack of self-esteem.
Well, I'm just happy dat i have an opportunity to start afresh. at least now, i feel closer to my closest sister...=) i'm juz glad she neva gave up on me even tho we drifted apart at some point..i am blessed, aren't i? i cant blif de negative thoughts i used to think...but den agn, i drifted away from practically all my close frenz..wat do u xpect me to think? haix...ohwells..i juz knw now dat i should always treasure my family 1st...
anw, i've also made new frenz..tho im not so close to dem as how i used 2 b close 2 my close frenz...i'm glad im frenz wif dem...it warms my heart seeing my frenz having passion for islam...n it also helps me create dat environment for me 2 b a better person..insya-Allah...
it juz shows dat i shd always blif in Allah...He knws bez wat's gd 4 me..i'm sure..=)
well, piecing up my self-esteem is indeed not an easy feat...i have a feeling i mite get emotional at some times...but insya-Allah, i'll succeed. May I b a teacher who possess confidence, insya-Allah.
some laz words for myself: I will enjoy practicum!
I really want to believe dat..n i've told myself dat i'll say it everyday to believe it..I haf 5 wks to practicum...insya-Allah, i'll b more than ready by then...Allah will help me, insya-Allah.
I love you Allah..Thanks for everything..=)
keindahan ilmu..
27 Muharram 1432
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh...
Masya-Allah...so fast time flies...it's almoz d end of muharram...=/
Nevertheless, Alhamdulillah...I feel that I've learnt a lot from the month of Muharram..Thank you Allah for all the opportunities you've given me to learn n insya-allah b a better muslimah...only u knw wat's bez 4 me..=)
Recently, I read a bk 'Mengintai Cinta Khalifah'. N dere's so many things to learn from the book! Subhanallah...it's a novel n I feel dat dere's a lot of dakwah in it...Alhamdulillah, I feel dat I've benefitted a lot from it..Im still gonna go thru de book agn to take note of wat I've learnt from the bk...bcoz i do not wana lose the ilmu dat i've gained from it...
Perhaps, i'll talk abt wat I've learnt from the book wen i'm done extracting the bits i felt are important to me..=)
Besides this book, dere was the dec qiyam, tho i feel guilty coz i dun exactly rmmbr wat hadits was discussed for dat qiyam..n de reminder of us muslims as the ummah of Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. layakkah kita mengaku diri kita sebagai umat Rasulullah s.a.w.? adakah kita mengikut sunnah rasul? dere r relli so many things dat can b done to improve myself..subhanallah...
den, im quite happy to start 2011 differently from previous years...honestly, i was one of the ppl who watched the countdown from hme...but alhamdulillah, wif Allah's rahmah, I spent the time at the house of Allah instead..Masya-Allah... Alhamdulillah, i thank Allah for the opportunity he gave me to b wif like-minded individuals at masjid mydin, to give praises to Allah n Rasulullah s.a.w. D event started at abt 9.30pm but alhamdulillah, i reached dere earlier to solat jemaah isyak. So, dere was dzikir n selawat, oso a tazkirah by ustaz ahmad dahri n muhasabah of de past year...
how haf we fared in 2010? adakah kita mengalami kerugian? Jadilah penghuni akhirat, janganlah sentiasa berusaha untuk menghuni dunia. Hidup = tanggungjawab
I felt dat i left de masjid wif a renewed spirit to better myself, insya-allah...
n 1st jan 2011 came, wif oso other tazkirahs for myself..(i went for a workshop in the morning). basically dere were 4 short talks. 1st, a tazkirah on niyyah.
one of my take-aways:
(Niyyah Imam Abdullah Al-Haddad)
Bismillahirrahmanirrahim
"My intention is to study and to teach,
to remember and to remind,
to gain benefit and to benefit others,
to accept and be accepted,
and to be encouraged to hold strongly to
The Book of Allah
and the Sunnah of His Messenger,
and ask for guidance and guidance on good deeds,
and to seek His Wajh, His contentment, His closeness and His rewards"Insya-Allah, whatever that we do, the ultimate intention is to seek for Allah's redha. =)
2nd speaker talked about some of the issues that are faced by the Muslim community
My takeaway was ways to deal with youth. I tink dat it's esp useful 4 me since i'll b teaching in a secondary sch...=)
3rd speaker talked abt time management=life management. I think lots of things talked abt were things i alredi know...but I guess, it was probably due to my renewed spirit dat I relli felt motivated to start afresh n hopefully improve myself even more. Insya-Allah. May Allah give me the strength to istiqamah. =)
4th speaker talked a bit more generally if I'm not wrong. but it was still an inspiring session. My favourite acronym now is MAD. MAD=Make A Difference..=)
I relli hope to be a better muslimah as I wanna b a positive role model for my future students. May my efforts terus kekal insya-Allah...
Salam sayang,
Amal Hayati. =)
